"For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
And for Jerusalem's sake I will not keep quiet,
Until her righteousness goes forth like brightness,
And her salvation like a torch that is burning.
The nations will see your righteousness,
And all kings your glory;
And you will be called  b y  a  n e w  n a m e
Which the mouth of the Lord will designate.
You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
And a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
It will no longer be said to you, 'Forsaken,'
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, 'Desolate';
But you will be called, 'My delight is in her,'
And your land, 'Married';
For the Lord delights in you,
And to Him your land will be married.
For as a young man marries a virgin,
So your sons will marry you;
And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
So your God will rejoice over you."

My mom says not to rush through the different cycles of emotions.

At first it was anger. Intense anger. Actually anger mixed with fear.

Then it was hopelessness. Feelings of being overwhelmed. Feeling of I-can't-do-anything-ness.

After it was thankfulness. Then relief.

Next, sadness.

Today, it was pretend everything is okay/numbness.

And we're back to anger.

But maybe a little less than before.

"In your anger do not sin."

In my own mind and shortsightedness, I think God commands me to not sin for his sake, but really it's for my own too.

Everything's not going to be all fine and dandy in an instant. Or a week. Or a month. Or maybe even a year. But I have to open up to the healing He's offering me.

Again, that doesn't mean I won't be angry. It doesn't mean I won't be hurt. It doesn't mean I won't cry. Because all of these things, I will.

All it means is that in the end, God will glory. In the end, He will have perfected more His work in me.

There are already fruits. For one, I KNOW God is real. He MUST be. If He's not real, then my mom wouldn't be saying the things she's been saying. My mom's not stupid and she's definitely not delusional. She's not in denial. She's not oblivious. And okay honestly, she's not always that nice (I heard her swear for the second time in my life; it sounded so natural it was funny!). So God MUST be real. He MUST.

"Do you really think He's that good?"

"He MUST be good. He MUST."

And He is. I know that when we come out victorious, we will KNOW that He is.

Going on a break this week (Las Vegas)!

Actually, I've BEEN on a break. Moved the subletter in on Saturday and greeted Our Team Rocks (aka Team OTR haha Anton's idea) at the airport today!!

It was so nice living vicariously through them haha. And I'm super glad to have some of the best people ever back in California (even if they are in SD)! Yay!

Thinking back to last year when I returned from OTR, the one thing I wish I kept was that post-missions zeal for the Gospel. Yes, adjusting back is hard, but one thing I remember having was this burning desire to share the Good News with, well, EVERYONE, no matter what the cost. Okay, well that's not COMPLETELY true, but I remember I had a greater desire to share my faith and see people saved.

As the year progressed, the Gospel left the fore-front of my mind, placed in priority behind planning church stuff, school, friends, and other stuff.

Just now, I'm realizing how important it is to make evangelism an important part of my spiritual diet, even if it's "only" random EV. If I'm not doing it to bring revival to LA/SD (which to be honest would be the ideal and primary cause), I should be doing it at least to keep the Gospel at the forefront of my mind. When you're out EVing every week, you're not easily going to forget the importance of the cross.

I remember a couple years ago at my home church's college group, the college pastor said something like this: If you ever lose your zeal for God, go out and EV. You will never meet a Christian who regularly evangelizes who is not on fire.

Also, participating in random EV type things keeps you in practice. Honestly, I've forgotten OTR's four point Gospel. Or at least the verses, which proved to be so powerful, that go with it.

Finally, I know people have problems with random EV, but seriously if I found out my grandma accepted Christ because a random stranger told her the Gospel, I would totally be REJOICING. Often, the problem with random EV is the lack of the relationship, but I'll bet that many people who accept Jesus "randomly" have had people sowing seeds into their lives for sometimes years upon years. And maybe the person won't accept when you share the Gospel, but again, perhaps a seed has been planted!

Looking at the Bible too, there are definitely times when people accepted Christ because they were EVed to by someone they didn't know! First example that comes to mind: Phillip and the Eunuch.

Anyway, I don't really have a nice conclusion to this. I only know that I have to make campus EV a priority this year. Sure, every week sophomore year when the time came, I didn't want to go, but every week, even the hard weeks, I now realize that I was blessed.

Actually, when can you ever share the Gospel and NOT be!?

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." -2 Timothy 4:2-5

Do the work of an evangelist!!!!